Digging holes (humour)

Granddad’s a ‘get-it-done’ man. When there’s junk around, he uses his big digger to bury whatever’s bugging him. He does those jobs early; starts the day right, he reckons. Grandma’s different. If something’s bugging her, she nags Granddad. When her nagging is bad, Granddad threatens to put her in a hole. Grandma scoffs back, ‘then who would cook your tea?’ They had a big fight last night. I covered my ears but I could still hear them. This morning Granddad’s digger worked really early. When I got up, Grandma wasn’t anywhere. I asked Granddad where she was, and he growled ‘gone.’ He said I was promoted to cook. All day I looked for signs of Grandma. Her car was still in the shed. I asked Granddad if she would be home for tea. He said ‘Stop nagging, or there will be trouble.’ When he went to feed the hens, I rang Uncle Ted. I told him about the fight, and the digger, and grandma’s car. ‘Oh shit’ he said. ‘I’ll be right over.’ Next thing, cop cars come up the drive, with flashing lights and everything. The cops grab Granddad and try to handcuff him. Granddad’s yelling words he usually keeps for the cows. The cops don’t like that, so they tazer him. No-one notices Aunty Jane’s car until Grandma’s voice commands ‘Stop that, right now. What’s going on?’ That’s when I remember Grandma and Aunty Jane went to town for Christmas presents. I hope they got me a digger.